Purpose

I just can't resist bringing my camera every few feedings to preserve what this experience has been like for me. Looking down at these little guys in the palm of my hand, I'm compelled to try to record it somehow. I want to be able to look back at this and remember it when I'm in my rocking chair. 

The movies do more for the sake of posterity than just pictures, but so far I'm not sure I've been able to capture just how utterly adorable they are. It doesn't help that I'm trying to take those movies while feeding them one drop at a time and supporting their little bodies with the other hand -- You can see the black line of the plunger eek its way down the syringe I'm holding. But I think this one below got close to it. 

His little paws kneading my palm just slayed me! I love his fuzzy forearms and how he blinks contentedly as his belly gets full.



I've noticed that unlike with other things I do, the hours fly by. I'm never really tired or want to take a break, or even get hungry. I am completely focused, in the moment. I don't think of anything else. And when I'm away from them, I can't wait to get back (it's kind of like being in love).

Part of it is because when you have squiggling little lives in your hands, all of whom have a different eating style, and some of whom are sick and need special patience and attention, you have to be focused. But it has a special essence, this kind of focus. I take it as a sign that this is really something right for me to be doing in this life.